if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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