pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
