Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
