I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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