You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
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