I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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