remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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