Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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