I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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