Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
