I cut my penus on the lid.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize