Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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