I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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