Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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