i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
