Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
