who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize