living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
