one two three fourrrrnication!
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you will always have a special place in my vag
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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