I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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