you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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