its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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