apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
