Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize