Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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