Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
