my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
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It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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