They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
