I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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