Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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