he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
