Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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