Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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