I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize