When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
