Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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