Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
