I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
