he shaved USA in his pubs
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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