I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
