My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
