she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize