Four minutes until I can fart!
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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