none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
