I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
