You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
