I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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