I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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