mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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