no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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