Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
