im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
