I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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