btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
