Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
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