Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
