his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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