I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
