Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
